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janradderÉiden has been having trouble with a bully at school, which has been going on intermittently since the first day. Last night he told us that Joshua, his bully, has been making fun of his name. He's also been trying to shove Éiden to the blacktop during recess.
He told this to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
haddayr while I was making dinner, so I didn't hear the whole story until later, nor did I know how Haddayr was handling this news (completely appropriately, I might add) until I walked into the living room to let them know dinner was ready. There was Éiden, his hands up in front of him waiting for Haddayr, who was pretending to be Joshua, to start shoving him. When she did, Éiden slid to his right and Haddayr tumbled forward onto the floor and couch behind him. Éiden's face lit up with a huge grin, proud and thrilled that he'd so easily mastered the self-defense technique his mother had just taught him.
"Dinner's ready," I'd said, and then walked back to the kitchen feeling a little sick. Even though I agreed completely with what Haddayr had done, I couldn't help feeling like I'd been slapped. Seeing the two of them practicing self-defense immediately sent me back to when I was in second grade and my father tried teaching me a similar lesson to deal with the bullies on my bus.
I'm worried about our son. Like me, he's incredibly sensitive and shy, and it shows. There's also something a little different about him, again like me. And both of those things tend to attract bullies. I really don't want him to have the same kind of childhood I did. I was horribly abused by my classmates as a kid, both verbally and physically, and there are still days when I'm completely terrified or full of self-doubt because I'm haunted by events that happened to me in some cases over thirty years ago. I don't want that to happen to my son, and it makes me scared to even consider that it might. I tell myself that things have changed since I was in school -- teachers and administrators actually do things now to prevent bullying, for instance. And I tell myself that my son is not going to school in the same town or environment I did. Still, it's hard to believe myself sometimes. Other times, though, I see things that make me think maybe it will be different for him.
This morning when I dropped the kids off at school I said goodbye to them at the door before turning back to the car. "Byyye Éi-denn!," I heard from behind me. I looked and it was Joshua, walking up the steps. I glared at him, though he didn't see me, and then I turned to watch Éiden. He was standing at the door, just inside the school, appearing to hold it open for Joshua. Don't do that, I wanted to yell to him -- just ignore that little shit and walk to your classroom. Instead, Éiden held that door open, watching Joshua approach the school. And when Joshua got to the door, Éiden shut it in his face. Good for you, I thought.
I know it's not going to stop Joshua once and for all, but it's something. It shows me that Éiden doesn't feel powerless, which is really the best defense against bullies because the bullies only win when you start to believe what they say about you and you think there's nothing you can do to stop them. Maybe Éiden is sensitive and shy and just a little different, but he's also got fire. That means a lot. And maybe the next time he tries to push Éiden again, Joshua will find himself on the ground with a face full of asphalt, wondering how he got there and that maybe Éiden isn't such an easy target as he thought. It's probably bad of me to wish such harm on a six-year-old, but I can't help it. In fact, I wish I could be there to see it.
He told this to
haddayr while I was making dinner, so I didn't hear the whole story until later, nor did I know how Haddayr was handling this news (completely appropriately, I might add) until I walked into the living room to let them know dinner was ready. There was Éiden, his hands up in front of him waiting for Haddayr, who was pretending to be Joshua, to start shoving him. When she did, Éiden slid to his right and Haddayr tumbled forward onto the floor and couch behind him. Éiden's face lit up with a huge grin, proud and thrilled that he'd so easily mastered the self-defense technique his mother had just taught him."Dinner's ready," I'd said, and then walked back to the kitchen feeling a little sick. Even though I agreed completely with what Haddayr had done, I couldn't help feeling like I'd been slapped. Seeing the two of them practicing self-defense immediately sent me back to when I was in second grade and my father tried teaching me a similar lesson to deal with the bullies on my bus.
I'm worried about our son. Like me, he's incredibly sensitive and shy, and it shows. There's also something a little different about him, again like me. And both of those things tend to attract bullies. I really don't want him to have the same kind of childhood I did. I was horribly abused by my classmates as a kid, both verbally and physically, and there are still days when I'm completely terrified or full of self-doubt because I'm haunted by events that happened to me in some cases over thirty years ago. I don't want that to happen to my son, and it makes me scared to even consider that it might. I tell myself that things have changed since I was in school -- teachers and administrators actually do things now to prevent bullying, for instance. And I tell myself that my son is not going to school in the same town or environment I did. Still, it's hard to believe myself sometimes. Other times, though, I see things that make me think maybe it will be different for him.
This morning when I dropped the kids off at school I said goodbye to them at the door before turning back to the car. "Byyye Éi-denn!," I heard from behind me. I looked and it was Joshua, walking up the steps. I glared at him, though he didn't see me, and then I turned to watch Éiden. He was standing at the door, just inside the school, appearing to hold it open for Joshua. Don't do that, I wanted to yell to him -- just ignore that little shit and walk to your classroom. Instead, Éiden held that door open, watching Joshua approach the school. And when Joshua got to the door, Éiden shut it in his face. Good for you, I thought.
I know it's not going to stop Joshua once and for all, but it's something. It shows me that Éiden doesn't feel powerless, which is really the best defense against bullies because the bullies only win when you start to believe what they say about you and you think there's nothing you can do to stop them. Maybe Éiden is sensitive and shy and just a little different, but he's also got fire. That means a lot. And maybe the next time he tries to push Éiden again, Joshua will find himself on the ground with a face full of asphalt, wondering how he got there and that maybe Éiden isn't such an easy target as he thought. It's probably bad of me to wish such harm on a six-year-old, but I can't help it. In fact, I wish I could be there to see it.
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Date: 2010-10-26 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 10:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 07:02 pm (UTC)We'll talk some time.
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Date: 2010-10-26 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 08:52 pm (UTC)ATTA BOY
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Date: 2010-10-26 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-26 09:05 pm (UTC)http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2010/10/26/obama-action-bullying/10876
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Date: 2010-10-26 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 06:05 pm (UTC)Woody Allen: "Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Ya know? I read it in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, ya know, get some bricks and baseball bats, and really explain things to 'em."
Victor Truro: "There was this devastating satirical piece on that on the op-ed page of the Times – devastating."
Allen: "Whoa, whoa. A satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point of it."
Helen Hanft: "Oh, but really biting satire is always better than physical force."
Allen: "No, physical force is always better with Nazis."
Bullies are the same, and it's a huge reason why I could never have a kid. I'd punch the little piece of crap out myself, then go after his parents, do the same thing to them, and then I'd be arrested...
But I'd be smiling...
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Date: 2010-10-28 09:39 pm (UTC)