Friday Top 5

[janradder]

Top 5 Worst Christmas Songs Ever
They are the songs that each year make you question your belief in God and the goodwill of humankind. They are the songs that had Ebenezer Scrooge had them at his disposal, would have enabled him to turn every one of his relatives, acquaintances, and business associates against the Spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Future -- yes, even Tiny Tim. Without further ado, cover your ears and shut your eyes -- here are the worst Christmas songs ever.

1. "Wonderful Christmas Time," Paul McCartney
One of pop music's laziest songwriters writes one of the most horrid holiday songs of all time. Despite his insistence that we're "simply having a wonderful Christmas time" (and he insists it again and again and again and again and again and again, ad infinitum), with this as your Christmas soundtrack, your Christmas time will be anything but. Listen and weep, for upon hearing it once, it shall be stuck in your head for now and evermore.

2. "Funky, Funky Xmas," New Kids on the Block
Just by the album's cover you know it's gotta be both fun and funky, right? Wrong. Very, very wrong.

3. "Happy Holidays," Andy Williams
Because the abomination that is Andy Williams is a gift that keeps on giving, it's hard to pick just one Andy Williams Christmas song for this list. This takes the title if only because of that droning, tuneless "Happy Holidays" that both starts and ends this horrible Christmas dirge.


4. "Carol of the Bells/ Jingle Bells," Barry Manilow
As with Andy Williams, there is a special place reserved in hell for Mr. Barry Manilow, and his contributions to the Catalog of Christmas Bad Cheer are bountiful. Here, Barry decides to step away from his comfort zone of all-things-bland and "jazz" up his take on this Christmas staple with something that might be either his attempt rapping or a sort of homage to Twiki from Buck Rogers and the 25th Century. Here it is, accompanied by a tap dancing mother and son.

5. "Feliz Navidad," Celine Dion
Looking for a way to suck all the joy and Christmas spirit out of room? Celine is more than happy to oblige. "Okay! Let's do it!"

Comments

[fengi.livejournal.com]

"Grandma Got Run Over By A Raindeer" - It may not be the worst novelty song ever, but it's one of the more likely to be played ironically and it doesn't even work that way. It should be only uttered as title in a joke about how desperately unfunny it is.

[janradder.livejournal.com]

Did you know it was written and recorded by a veterinarian and his wife?

[theryk.livejournal.com]

I am SO down with you about #1. God, I HATE that song...

[janradder.livejournal.com]

I think it may be the worst Christmas song ever written.

[theryk.livejournal.com]

It's certainly no "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtqIM_bPTws

nor is it even "Domanic the Donkey"... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQrdxtWgHbE

[janradder.livejournal.com]

I love "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"! It's so cheesey and over the top.

Dominic the Donkey

[(Anonymous)]

This song is far worse than anything else on your list. The only reason it's ever heard anymore (as well as many of the other bad holidays songs) is that there are stations all over the country that play non-stop Xmas music from Thanksgiving to Christmas, and they need quantity, not quality.

On another donkey/Christmas-related note, the Christmas movie, "Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey" is also truly abysmal. Our daughter burst into tears early on when the baby donkey's mother dies in a snowstorm, protecting poor Nestor. Like Rudolph before him, (and Happy after him), Dominic has a physical abberration--those long ears which provoke ridicule, but of course become crucial later on.

But for me, the worst holiday movie ever is "Cricket on the Hearth." If you haven't experienced it, consider yourself lucky.

-Ben.

Re: Dominic the Donkey

[theryk.livejournal.com]

Oh Ben, where is the love for the donkey? Actually, yeah- this ranks up there with the film "Santa Claus vs the Martians", and yet... every year... I can't resist either...

Re: Dominic the Donkey

[janradder.livejournal.com]

I still have yet to see Santa Claus vs. the Martians, though a local theater company here in Mpls just did a stage version of it.

Re: Dominic the Donkey

[janradder.livejournal.com]

After hearing it, it sounds like most of the Dr. Demento songs (which is how I first heard "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"), and in those instances the songs are more like train wrecks that you just can't help but watch.

[dryadjuna.livejournal.com]

Guess who sang in a christmas special with Andy Williams 3 yrs ago... he even sang moon river. God it was an excellent learning experience.

[janradder.livejournal.com]

Did you actually sing with him? And you survived with your sanity intact?

[dryadjuna.livejournal.com]

Yes to the first, but I can't vouch for the second question. I sometimes say no to paying gigs now, though.

He wore blue-tinted glasses and a blue sweater. He graced us with a group picture so generously. Oh, it's on facebook somewhere... I'll try and send you a link.

[janradder.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. That is truly frightening when someone matches the tint in their glasses to the color of their sweater.

[dryadjuna.livejournal.com]

The crucial part he was matching was apparently his gorgeous blue eyes. But, of course, I couldn't see his eyes because his GLASSES WERE TINTED.

[haddayr.livejournal.com]

oh, GREAT

Now I have that loathsome McCartney song stuck in my head you horrible, HORRIBLE man!

[janradder.livejournal.com]

Don't say I didn't warn you from the start.