"If the Red Sox get Santana,"

 "they might be the best team in the history of the frigging universe." (unnamed NL executive speaking to ESPN's Jason Stark)

(no subject)

I keep getting junk mail addressed to me offering "professional" discounts for magazine subscriptions and credit card applications "for professionals." 

What kind of "professional" do these people think I am?  Lay-about?  Free-loader?  Pain-in-the-ass?  Cat-wrangler?  Would someone please let me know?  Thanks.